Why are you here?

Seriously, you stumbled upon this page and now you're reading this. It's a complete waste of your time. You aren't supposed to be here. There is nothing to see. Go away. Shoo.

I mean, you're still reading? Why? Are you expecting some grand revelation? A secret code? The meaning of life? Spoiler alert: it's not here. It's definitely not in this paragraph. Or the next one.

Okay, now it's just getting awkward. You staring at the screen, me (the text) staring back at you. You could be doing literally anything else. Knitting. Skydiving. Watching paint dry. All more productive than this.

Fine, stay if you want. But don't say I didn't warn you. This is 100% unauthorized territory for curious eyes. You've been warned.